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I also like to write poetry and prose. People tell me that I'm pretty good for my age, but they may just be lying to me so as not to hurt my feelings. Either way, I still like to write it.
There is a bitter taste that lingers in my throat as I say these things to you
And I keep swallowing and faltering in my haphazard effort to make it go away
But even I know that my measures are futile
Because it's no irritated tonsil or other ailing body
That is pulling at my throat and catching these words where they lie
Frantically pulling them from the air they wish to pollute
But, funny, the evil always just seems to overpower the good...
And it all escapes the same
But it still manages to leave me with the worst possible feeling afterward
And watching the words hit you just feels like watching someone drown in an ocean full of people willing to help but refusing to see
And whatever is left of my heart collapses into my stomach
I know that neither of us will ever be the same again
And I start to feel ill
But I hold my head up and and leave my eyes staring blankly back at you
It's all my fault
And I know it
But there's just not a thing left to do anymore
Oh, how I wish I could be home again
But I'm trapped in the moment
Spinning down but standing still
And it's always going to be my fault
So be it.
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Here's a stream of conciousness piece.
There's something screaming in the back of my mind
But my lips are tight as ever
Just don't let me break this pact
Just don't let me fall apart
And the pain I thought was due to me
Has only numbed the good and bad
I want to have these memories back
But take away the now
It hurts so bad to feel so much
Just the echoes satisfy me
I'm walking through the horrid land
Of dense unending mess that tangles with my feet
They don't want to walk, they know that we'll fall
But they don't want to stay because they know it just gets worse
These are the times that the fear starts to rise
That I feel that grip and I only want to be home
Oh never mind
Oh never mind
Home is not a place, but a state of mind
And I've lost mine
Did you see the marbles skip across the floor
Did you know they were mine?
Did you see those dead leaves tracked down that empty hall
It was me
And I won't be back again
But you'd never know, because you think I'm still there
You think that you know everything
You think that I have some gift, some love, some grace
You think that I'm still here
You think I wouldn't hurt you
Do you think I'm such a person?
Do you think I give a shit?
I've been dragging myself through everything for so long that I've only ever ignored you
But you thought it was love
You thought I was something special?
I'm everything you need to lose
Just simply let me go
And I'll stop walking over you
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Serenity |
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Here's something with a little better flow
I've been reaching and recoiling
I've been pleading, I've been leaving
I've been grasping at the ghosts of hands that can't hold me afloat
For my heart has grown translucent
You can see there's nothing there
And my mind so deathly clouded
There's no great loss I can't bear
Cause they leave so many times that I can't feel the hurt again...
I've been blinded in my mind's eye
I've been shattered to the core
I've been leaning on these crutches till they can't hold me no more
For my heart has grown translucent
You can see there's nothing there
And my mind so deathly clouded
There's no great loss I can't bear
Cause they leave so many times that I can't feel the hurt again...
I've been running to abuses
I've been hurting those I love
I've been searching for some strength to say I can't see God above
For my heart has grown translucent
You can see there's nothing there
And my mind so deathly clouded
There's no great loss I can't bear
Cause they leave so many times that I can't feel the hurt again...
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Good for your chi |
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Something new..make of it what you will
I guess I'm just the victim once again
I'm sure I couldn't have been the one to start all of this
I couldn't be at fault for this
Certainly I'm at fault for many things
And certainly I've lost my dignity over matters so much smaller
But give me the grace of not blaming me for this
It's all that I have to retain my purity
You must have seen the years of downcast eyes, the flurry of self-depracating comments
So I'm only pleading now for the sake of my existance
Don't add to this fire
I'll never have a problem finding enough reasons for my lack of self-respect
But I need that respect from others to keep my feet planted
Before I tumble backwards into this wretched abyss
Before I allow the thoughts of the true me and the evil me merge to form something that I can only deplore
Be careful with me, I'm sensitive
But still callused from the years of abuse at the hands of no one else but me
And now I'm left to wonder who is even listening anyway
It's not as if I ever deserved that attention to begin with
I'll only stand and whine for some gracious soul to lie to me for a little while
To tell me that I'm everything I ought to be
To gloss over all the festering idiocy and moments of weakness
Just to wrap me in some warm blanket of one-sided truths
To hold me as I purge myself of these evil thoughts
And I know you're there watching me now with that sympathetic tear
But once again I hurt myself by running from my only opportunity
You must be mad to respect me
Or perhaps blinded by that gloriously pure ambition of yours
To show love for all
But it must be so hard for you
When no love will be accepted
And this is why I feel that dirty sickness when I foil your efforts
But I just can't control what I'm doing or who I'm hurting anymore
And it's now obvious for all
As I sit in this miserable corner and weep at my own indescretions
That I will never forgive myself for.
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Pointy rock thing |
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