Something like a biting cold
That lives in this place on the warmest of days
Something with the heat of a thousand suns
But with a vacant darkness
Staring back at me
Staring into me
But with an apathetic chuckle
I turn and walk away
My feet float an inch off the ground
But my head is buried in the sand
And my wings are tied to my back
Because I was self-concious of them
Of their shimmering feathers
That glinted with the beauty of a thousand lost kingdoms
So elegantly crafted
But withering away
Because I thought them to be flashy
And I couldn't see the truth
But it's too late now
Or so will I pretend it to be
Because there is a balm
In my suffering
And a weakness
In my exuberance

These wings could soar across that blackness
And lighten the strands of time
Weaving tapestry of fortune for a new world order
Breaking all these chains that bind me
Breaking these limitations that are 'me'
Gracefully grazing the sky
They will differentiate
Where no boundary was before
And they will tie togther
What could never before meet

But they are bound
And not by force
Because they encompass any power that I hold
They are tied down
By some outside notion
That I allowed to overtake me
And I'm too frightened to mind
Perhaps one day I'll grow
Perhaps one day I'll find what I've forgotten to look for
Perhaps...but the thought has become draining
And I'm losing myself amidst the sand
Goodbye, for a little while
Till I get the rest I need
And I find the air to breathe

Until I find the logic of abstraction...
Which is right before my eyes
When I have the courage to open them

I'm so sore, wearing these bruises that you wrote for me. I'm so tired, mourning the sleep you stole from me. And I'm so weak, knowing this has gone on long enough, but I cling to you the same.

I know I'm a fool to think you'll give me resolution, but I tell myself to run with no success. I've planted my feet firmly in this ground filled with disease to let my ghostly arms flail limply like a thousand dying trees.

Is this what you wanted? To make this helpless? To make me dead inside?

Why bother now? Whether you wanted or not, you've killed some part of me. I was sensitive, I was happy, I was in love with the idea of love.

I was alive.

But now? A pair of downcast eyes, a couple hopeless tears. A body in want for some elixir, a soul for want of nurture, a heart that will accept neither. A heart that still beats for you. A heart so heavy that it hangs low and makes my shoulders sag, bowing my back, crinking my neck, leaving this wretched shadow. These knees want to buckle, to fall down before you and plead for some mercy, but this mind won't let me do it. Because it knows it's only futile. You'll never look to me again. You never really looked at me at all.